[Part 2] Darkness & Healthy Boundaries

At first glance this 7 part series may appear to just be about birthing, owning and operating a Soul Based Business, but when you look beneath the surface, you will see it is truly about life and the connections between both.  

I always tell my Mastermind clients that choosing to birth a business will challenge you to grow deeply on a personal level, since your business is often a direct reflection of what is going on beneath the surface of your daily life.  

This has truly been the case for me.  

When I began this journey I took all the business 'advice' out there to heart.  One piece that deeply impacted me was to constantly put out content of high value to your tribe. As an introvert, this challenged me.  Yet, I rose to the challenge, and during the first year of business I blogged and sent out an email to my tribe... every. single. week.  

This challenged me to grow, be seen and to keep the commitment I made to myself.  But, sometimes the commitment was kept to the detriment of my own energetic boundaries.  

After the year was up, I decided I would only send out content that was impactful, meaningful, rich and most importantly, when I was inspired to do so.  

This has held true over the past year.  Like the rhythms of the moon cycles, my inspiration to share my own journey and learnings with you comes and goes.  

I truly value you and the space you share with me in your inbox.  I refuse to fill it up with fluff.  

So, when I am in the depth of darkness and I curl deeply inward, I need space and time to be fueled by the fire of creation again.  Sometimes the darkness holds me for days or weeks and you might not hear from me.  And as someone who has struggled with debilitating anxiety and depression, I have learned to set boundaries around how long I will let myself be pulled into the dark along with the other boundaries I have set in life and business.

Building and Maintaining Healthy Boundaries

The Sacral Chakra.

  • Healthy Boundary #1

I love the dark.  I have learned throughout my life to be comfortable in the dark and can dive deep into the muck myself and with my clients.  I love the shadows and the hidden parts of ourselves.  

Whether it is the darkness for you or something completely different, there are times when boundaries need to be set around how long we allow ourselves to live in that space before the energy needs to be shifted.  

First, it begins with allowing ourselves to truly feel what needs to be felt in that space so that the time we spend there is maximized.  

Secondly, creating a boundary around how long we will allow ourselves to stay in that space.  It may be a day, three days, a week or more, most importantly acknowledging when we head to that space to choose a set time before we find ways to bring ourselves back into the space that serves us most deeply.  

Third, I don't create when I am in depths of darkness.  The sacral chakra is about the fire of creation and healthy boundaries.  I know that I can't stay in the dark forever and live the life I truly long for, which is truly the reason I create boundaries around coming out of the darkness.  So, I chose to pull myself out after a set period of time and get back to creating, since creating feeds my soul on a deep level.  

  • Healthy Boundary #2

Part of healthy boundary setting for myself is to no longer push myself to create when I don't feel inspired to do so.  Because when I push though it, you can feel it.  I know my tribe is energetically sensitive and empathic (even if you haven't quite claimed this part of yourself) and I believe you can feel the difference between when I am here and real with you, versus writing and putting out content just so you don't forget about me.  

Showing up authentically is one of the most important boundaries I have set for myself - and I encourage my clients to do the same.  There are enough people out there filling your heads with complete BS.  I refuse to be one of them.

  • Healthy Boundary #3

I can't say this enough.  Say 'YES' when you mean yes.  Say 'NO' when you mean no.  

First of all, we have to truly know what we want before we can begin to practice this boundary.  This goes back to Part 1 where we talked about the Root Chakra and the 'WHY' behind our business and our life.  You can read that here if you missed it. 

This changes everything in our life.  Resentment disappears. Giving from our heart feels more impactful.  Others trust that we won't offer or volunteer to do anything we don't truly want to do.  Our lives are filled with things that bring us joy and we can start releasing all the things that drag us down and keep our lives empty and meaningless.  

Pure joy comes when we begin to build a tribe of sisters around us that practice this boundary as well.  Deeper trust and intimacy comes from friendships where we don't feel like we owe something back when things are offered or given, to know that in the end it all balances out.  

  • Healthy Boundary #4

When we truly love our work and what we do, the lines between life and our calling (aka work) often get pretty blurry.  It can be easy to allow it to consume our lives, to be at the beck and call of our clients because we serve from our hearts and we love to be needed and wanted, yet in the end this often leads to burn out.  

Having the desire to be an Earth Changer and wanting to make an impact to those you serve, means setting healthy boundaries around when we create, when we serve, and when we need to serve ourselves.  

Anyone who has emailed me knows that I have an autoresponder set up that states I am happy to be of service, yet my response time can range from a day up to a week.  This set up works for me because I want people to be seen, to know I have received their message, yet based on what is happening in my life at that moment (since I could be in a week long retreat serving other women) it may also be a bit before I get back to them.  

This allows me to set time frames in my schedule on a regular basis to get back to people in a timely manner.  

For me, I also have set times in my weekly schedule that I am available to work with clients.  I set these hours long ago based on when I am at my very best, after 11am and before 4pm.  It is very very very rare that I make an exception to this boundary I have set, and often it is more around a business meeting for retreat planning or something similar that I will book something earlier in my day than 11am.  

Perhaps you are a night owl and setting your schedule would be better between 2pm-7pm.  The whole point of creating healthy boundaries and a business and life that you love, is to create a life that works for YOU, that you LOVE and that keeps you strong and healthy and able to serve for years to come. 

My wish is that whether you have been in business for a while, are birthing a business, are considering birthing a business or have no interest in business, that adopting these healthy boundaries will make an impact in your life and how you chose to live it.  

Next week, I will be sharing discussing the Solar Plexus Chakra and how it relates to life and business.  Stay tuned.  

xx Nicole